This Bitter Taste of You
by Obsidian Buterfly
Summary: "There." He said coldly, letting go of her as he stepped away, "even my heart is yours. Give it back to him if you want." He stopped near the door, laughing softly, "All I will ever get is your first kiss."
1. Pain

_**A/N: Okay! So the night before last I was yet again attacked by a plot bunny that refused to leave me alone until I wrote it down. My bunnies seem to love the Infinity Arc (angst makes them flourish apparently '-_- )**_

_**This little baby is just a product of that. To clear up any confusion that may arise as you read, keep in mind that this is an AU (my favorite ^_^). There was never a clone Sakura. The one that's been traveling with the group is the Real Sakura. The rest will most probably explain itself as you read it. If not. Feel free to ask.**_

_**Oh! I almost forgot. A warning in advance. This story will contain scenes depicting drug abuse but that does not mean that I encourage that habit in any way or form. I have never used drugs myself nor would I ever recommend anyone to destroy their lives by doing the same. Whatever you read here has been based on what I learnt watching youtube videos so it might not be all that accurate. I may return and rewrite it someday but for now, I hope you guys can go ahead and enjoy this.**_

_**Chapter 1:**_

_**Pain**_

"I'll be fine."

He could only helplessly watch as the one he loved walked to another for the support he himself had offered her countless times. Painful, clawed hands wrenched at his heart every single time she turned away. As the magician led the hobbling princess to their small carriage that would take them all to the small apartment that they had been occupying for the past couple of months, the claws tugged even harder at his heart, the pain eating him up from the inside, spreading and rending and tearing on his insides so badly he felt like he would burst. Unable to stand the hate in their eyes, the accusation in their stares, the plain disappointment in their gazes when they looked his way, he turned and ran.

"Kid." He thought he heard the ninja call after him as he burst through the door opposite to the one the princess and the magician had taken, but it was just his wishful thinking. The red-eyed man had followed after his _real_ companions only moments after, knowing that _he_ would follow too, like an obedient little puppy he was supposed to be. But he wasn't their 'little puppy', was he?

No.

He was the replacement.

The one that had made them lose their precious Syaoran-kun.

So what if he shared _his_ name. He would never truly _be_ him.

He would forever be the reason why the princess no longer smiled, why the magician wore a patch to hide the empty socket, why the ninja slit his wrist every evening to make it bleed. He was the reason they were all hurting and they were making sure through their cold, cold, cold stares and their accusing voices and their frostyandfrigidandfreezing looks that he knew that as well.

Every second and every moment that he spent in their presence, they made sure to remind him that he was the reason and the cause for their misery.

"This is all your fault." They all seemed to be saying, even without looking his way.

As the darkness of the night swallowed his retreating form, he did not bother to fool himself for even a second that one of them might follow after him to call him back. No, after his countless late night ventures, he was no longer naïve enough to fool himself into believing that he even mattered to them. He was just the replacement after all. The pretender.

"I'll be fine."

He was brought out of his thoughts by the sounds of someone crying out in pain.

"Help. No, stop." The voice was definitely male, but the person seemed to be in quite a lot of pain. At first, Syaoran thought about just ignoring whoever it was and walking away like he had seen other people in this world do countless times.

"Someone." The raw helplessness of the man's voice however halted him in his steps. Could he really just walk away like that?

Knowing that he might regret his actions later, since interfering in the deals that took place in the alley ways of Infinity after dark was never a good idea, the teen followed the sound of the pained cries. He was feeling reckless. After all, it wasn't like he mattered to those other three.

He could see the victim curled up on the ground, his assailants attacking him with not only their feet but with sticks as well.

"Leave him alone!" he yelled, running headlong into one of the men, feeling the rush of adrenaline through his veins as he took up a stance.

"Get out of here, kid." Another man said dismissively. "We don't want anything from you so leave. Grab this pathetic heap – oof!"

Not giving the man another chance to get his bearings, Syaoran attacked him with all he had, catching the metal pole with his left arm as the fallen man's accomplice tried to sneak up on him from behind. Ducking down low to the ground, he swept his leg around to knock him to the ground, a feral grin making its way to his lips.


	2. Saviour

_**A/N: Here's another update for you all. A big thanks to all who added this fic to their alerts and left reviews. ^_^ I'm glad to see you guys are enjoying this.**_

_**Here's chapter 2. ;)**_

_**Chapter 2:**_

_**Savior**_

"The name's Ryouh." The _man_ he had just saved stuck out his hand for a shake as Syaoran watched the three attackers disappear into the darkness. "You've got some really nice moves, kid."

Syaoran observed him out of the corner of his eye, taking note that 'Ryouh' appeared hardly any older than nineteen, his red hair mussed up, his lips split and bleeding and his right eye swollen shut, but there was a grin on his face that conveyed his gratefulness to the teen.

"Syaoran." He said shortly, letting his sword vanish back into his arm. When those three muggers had started pushing him back by converging on him using simultaneous attacks, he had resorted to using his magic to summon his sword. It was quite easy to make them turn tail and run for their lives after that.

"You ever participate in one of those chess matches?" Ryouh had most probably noticed his collar.

"Every now and then." He shrugged, turning around to leave. He knew he had been walking around for a few hours. The chess match had taken place at ten pm that day, so it must have been well past midnight by now. It would be best if he headed back to the apartment. It had felt so good to take out his frustration on those men but now that the fight had ended, he was back to square one, the look Sakura had shot in his direction before going over to Fai attacking his mind with a vengeance.

"Where you goin'?"Ryouh asked as he fell into a limping walk beside him.

"… Nowhere." Hopefully, he would not have to face her disappointed gaze when he returned to the apartment. It _was_ quite late. She'd be asleep by now, wouldn't she?

"You look like you've got quite a lot on your mind, kid."

Syaoran chose not to say anything to that. After all, he couldn't just start spilling his life's tale to some stranger.

"Relax, I'm not asking you to tell me what's wrong." He laughed, somehow managing to read the thoughts going on inside his head. Seeing Syaoran's incredulous look, he plowed on, "if you need a place to crash for the night, I live only a few blocks away from here. You seem like you need some time away from whatever's the source of troubles."

Did he really want to return to those cold eyed stares and those accusing looks and those contemptuous voices? So what if she would be asleep right now. She'd wake up in the morning, wouldn't she?

"You can leave whenever you want."

"…" His mind made up, Syaoran heaved a tired sigh, "Lead the way."

He just wanted to forget about it all for a little while.

_**A/N: Yeah, just a little note, this fic is probably gonna have short chapters since I'm trying to see if I can actually convey a story using less words. I've already finished writing this fic so you guys are bound to have a steady flow of weekly updates for this one.**_

_**What I want to know is whether I manage to create the same impact when the chapters are short as when I usually write really lengthy ones so please do tell me your opinion in the reviews.**_


	3. I Don't Need You

_**A/N: Hey everyone! I figured since I haven't really had any time to write anything recently thanks to the fact that I'm finally at home and enjoying my vacations with my family for a while, I'll just update the one ficcy that I do have some material written out for. So here ya go guys ;)**_

_**Enjoy! **_

_**Chapter 3:**_

_**I Don't Need You**_

"Ryouh! Man, you're back." He heard someone greet his companion as he stepped through the threshold of the apartment. "Damn! You look like shit!" he heard the same person exclaim, "The suppliers corner you?" Syaoran followed him inside, noticing the owner of the voice to be an older version of Masayoshi, the boy his clone had met in Hanshin. "Who's the kid?"

"Masayoshi, this is Syaoran." He introduced him to the only other occupant of the room. Syaoran resisted the urge to hold his breath. This place reeked of alcohol and smoke and something bitter and putrid. "I wouldn't be here right now, if this kid had not showed up."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He's got mad skills, man. You shoulda seen the way he beat the shit out of those three."

"He part of one of them chess teams?"

But atleast… _they_ weren't here.

"Prob'ally."

"Nice."

"Damn." Ryouh hissed as he crashed on worn out sofa in the middle of the living room, kicking an empty beer can out of the way as he threw his legs on the creaky coffee table. "I need a smoke."

Masayoshi laughed before he threw something in the red-head's direction. As Ryouh prepared a stick and lit it up, Syaoran felt his eyes widen as he finally identified what was the cause of the putrid, bittersweet smell.

_**A/N: I know, I know. It's short. But I told you. I'm going for the whole 'less is more' thing with this fic so bear with me here. I hope you liked it anyways. What do you think? What is the bittersweet putrid scent that Syaoran identified? Leave me your answers in a review.**_


	4. Forget You For a While?

_**aChapter 4:**_

_**Forget You For a While?**_

"You want to forget, right?"

"…"

"Relax. One smoke won't hurt."

"…"

"You're already taking it in when you breath. Can't you feel how it relaxes your mind? Calms your thoughts? Don't you like it? That freedom. That's the thing I love about these cancer sticks you know. Once you take a drag… all your pains and worries just… disappear."

"…"

"But it's cool if you don't-" the older teen halted in mid-sentence when he wordlessly held out a hand.

"Trust me on this." The redhead smiled, "This little baby will take all your pain away."

Ryouh lit up the filled cigarette and handed it to him, swaggering to the other side of the room to fall back on the sofa. Masayoshi had passed out on the floor some time ago. Syaoran watched the smoldering stick in his hand for a while, almost throwing it away once, thinking it stupid to want to rely on something like _this_ to take all his pain away. It was a coward's way out. It was stupid. It was… Sakura's cold, dispassionate green eyes appeared in his mind's eye.

Screw sensibility and bravery.

Without another thought, he raised the stick to his lips.

He needed to forget her for a while and if this was the only way… then so be it.


	5. Just a Little More Poison

_**A/N: Enjoy people!**_

_**Chapter 5: **_

_**Just a Little More Poison**_

He felt a bit of nervousness claw its way into his heart as he opened the door to the apartment, trying to make as little noise as possible. He froze when it creaked loudly, then sighed thankfully when nothing stirred. His eyes darted around the dark room anxiously as he crept along, successfully reaching his room without making any sort of noise. Once inside, he turned the lock, leaning against the door for a while to catch his breath as his heart beat frantically against his chest.

It had been almost two months now since he had first met up with Ryouh. He had hoped he'd be lectured when he went back to the apartment the next evening, but wasn't really surprised when the ninja had gruffly told him to get changed since they were due for another Chess match. He wasn't even sure what had made him fool himself into thinking they'd have cared. He found himself seeking out the red-head after the match once again when their frigid looks became a bit too much for him to handle. His new friend had handed him what he had been looking for without any demands for explanations. A couple of weeks later, he'd introduced him to something new. Something much more efficient than the cigarettes, something that worked much faster. What was even better was that it did not make him smell of smoke, the one thing that his red-eyed traveling companion had noticed four nights after he had met Ryouh. The man had not voiced his thoughts, but then again… Syaoran should have known better than to expect for him to have cared even a little.

After all, he was nothing more than a replacement of his student.

He was just an imposter.

Sliding to the ground, with his back leaning against the wooden panel, he dug around in his jacket with shaky hands. He pulled a small plastic bag filled with a white-ish sort of powder, staring at it contemplatively for a while. A distant part of his mind wondered why he was doing it, but as memories of his time with his so-called companions rushed into his head, he emitted a low growl.

He _needed_ the escape, a way to forget it all, if only for a little while.

_They_ certainly didn't care about what he did, so it didn't really matter, did it now? After all, they had had more than enough time to show that.

Digging through his rather baggy clothes once again, he pulled out a bottle of water, a lighter and a syringe. His hands shook rather badly, but thankfully he managed not to spill anything as he prepared the shot. He had been doing this for quite some time now so it didn't require quite a lot of effort on his part.

Tying one of the numerous belts adorning his clothes around his bicep, he tightened it with his teeth before proceeding to fill the syringe with the clear liquid. Gritting his teeth as the whispering voices returned, he plunged it into his flesh.

"_I'll be fine."_ Her soft voice rang inside his head.

"_Kid, we're leaving in half an hour. Go get changed."_ He had not even bothered to ask where he had been the whole night.

He needed to forget about them. For a while, he just wanted to forget. But it seemed like the shot was taking too long to work. Growling in irritation once more, he prepared another shot, plunging it in like the first, heaving a raspy sigh as his throat itched slightly. He coughed once, resting his head against the door as he felt the liquid work its magic.

Grinning like an idiot, he slid his eyes closed, feeling a sensation of happiness envelop his entire being. The memories, the voices, the whispers, their cold-eyed accusing stares, they all went away. As they dissolved into a haze of smoke, he gave a soft laugh. This was the freedom he craved for. This was the freedom he wanted. This was _exactly_ what he had been looking for.


	6. Regret?

_**A/N: So this chapter basically answers the question a lot of you guys have been asking about why no one was stepping forth to show that they actually cared. I hope I managed to convey their feelings appropriately.**_

_**Chapter 6:**_

_**Regret?**_

He should have known something like this would have happened eventually. The kid had been acting differently ever since that day he had stayed out all night. The fact that the princess and the mage treated him with such thinly veiled contempt did not help things any. Figuring the kid needed some space and time to himself, though, Kurogane had chosen to keep his distance and not pry. But maybe… Maybe if he had stepped in at the first signs of change, it would not have come down to this.

The kid was missing. Had been missing, for the past six days.

Even as he searched the darkened streets, he could not help but curse himself. He should have done something earlier. So what if the kid refused to meet his eye or listen to him talk or preferred not to stay in his company? He should have just punched him on the head and gotten him to listen. Broken down the door to his room when he started locking himself up in there whenever he was at the apartment. Gotten him some help, when his skin started turning pale and his eyes started developing bruises under them. But he had been a fool to think that the boy needed time alone to deal with the changes. That he needed some space to adjust to travelling with their group.

He should not have done that.

He should never have done that.

If he had just torn down that wall… the kid would still be with them. Hurt and angry and depressed, perhaps. But at least he would be still with them.

Oh, who was he kidding? He had tried to do all that. But every time he looked at this kid, he was reminded of his student. The one he had taught how to swordfight, the one he had started this journey with.

The truth was, he was not his student, though. He was not the one he had taught how to swordfight. Wasn't the one he had started the journey to find out the true meaning of strength with. The fact that the one he had started looking at as his charge had hurt them all so badly might have been the reason why he had kept his distance from this new kid. The one he had let get close to him had betrayed him and hurt him so badly that every time he looked at this boy, he could not help but feel anger. The way this boy had looked at them all in the beginning, with such sad longing in his eyes, all he had tried to tell them had been just that. He was not the boy they had travelled with, but he was also not the reason that other boy had left.

Somehow… none of them had been willing to see that.

The princess had been in love with the other boy. This copy, with the same face and the same eyes and the same longing smile on his face, served as nothing but a bitter reminder of what they had lost in that world with the burning rain. And despite all his efforts to make them see otherwise, none of them had been able to set aside their anger and let this newcomer into their little group. Sure, he travelled with them, sure he fought for them and brought back the princess's feather just like the other, but he was not the boy that had left them. And so, where there had been care and love in her eyes for the other one, for this one, she could only stare at him coldly and at times indifferently.

The mage had done his best to be supportive of the other boy whenever the price became too much for the kid to bear, but for this one… polite aloofness at best, outright curt responses at worst.

And him?

He had done nothing to truly acknowledge the kid. He knew that the kid was hurting yet he just stood by and watched as the boy spiraled down towards his own destruction.

The sun had lowered beyond the skyline, the long shadows dancing across the walls of the back alleys like eerie spiders. It was a good thing they did not have a Chess match that day, otherwise they'd have had to cut their search short. The princess, because of her bad leg, had stayed behind at the apartment along with the dimension-hopping meat bun. Only he and the magician were walking around these streets, searching for the missing brunette.

He caught sight of a familiar mop of messy brown hair out of the corner of his eye.

"Kid!"


	7. Now you Know

_**A/N: Sorry guys. Totally forgot about uploading this week. It's really short, I know, but I hope you uys enjoy it all the same.**_

_**P.S. I'd appreciate it a lot if you guys would check out my other fic, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles. I finally uploaded a new chapter for it but it seems as though no one has read it so far. Lemme know what you think.**_

_**Chapter 7:**_

_**Now You Know**_

"You've noticed it too, haven't you, Kurogane?" Fai spoke as he finished tying a knot on one of the many bandages covering the unconscious brunette's wounded body. The right side of the boy's face was swollen and bruised, and black and purple bruises littered the rest of his sickly, sallow skin as well. He had been beaten rather badly, and had apparently taken something hard to the head too, though the injury was covered in bandages wrapped around his head like a turban, tufts of dirty, blood-matted hair sticking out from the white gauze.

"It's rather obvious." He grunted back, "One only has to take a look at his arms."

"I can smell it in his blood." He told the ninja, wrinkling his nose in distaste, "Its scent is hanging over him like a cloud of death."


	8. Desolate Soul

_**A/N: so before I head back to university in the morning and forget about updating again, I figured I oughtta put up the new chapter for you all. But! Before I do that, I would like to respond to an anonymous review that I got for the last chapter. The following part of my note is for 'Molly' so everyone else can just go on ahead and read the update. But if you were wondering about the length (or lack-thereof) of the previous chapter, go ahead and read my response. ;)**_

_**I'm glad you think this is an interesting concept. See this fic is just an experiment of sorts for me but I actually did put in a lot of thought behind the length of the chapters and where to break them off. I'm experimenting with a new style of writing so I'm sorry if the shortness of the chapters is bothering you. I kept them short on **_**purpose**_** here. Which means that yes, the length of last chapter- which was actually somewhere around a hundred and fifty words or so- was also deliberate. I appreciate the reviews and the criticism but I write for my own enjoyment so please, don't accuse me of being lazy and assume that I hammer out a paragraph and then sit back and expect the reviews to roll in. Length is not really an issue for me since I have also written chapters that are over 7000 words long. Once again, I'm sorry that the short length is bothering you so much but like I said, I'm doing it on purpose here. I finished writing this part of the story weeks ago and I'm actually satisfied with how it turned out so I'm afraid you'll have to put up with the short length. By the way, I'm quite sure I have managed to cover and advance the story quite a lot despite only having hammered out a paragraph per 'chapter' as you have put it. And Syaoran being injured and the other two having found out about his abuse was the whole point of the last chapter. Sorry to disappoint you but rest assured, the next three chapters are gonna be comparatively longer.**_

_**Anywho… since my note might end up longer than the actual update, I guess I will just wrap things up here. Enjoy the update.**_

_**Chapter 8:**_

_**Desolate Soul**_

Syaoran clawed his way back into consciousness, feeling his body twitch. The effects of his last dose must have ended some time ago while he was unconscious. His body was craving another fix. Groaning to himself, he forced his body into a sitting position, taking in his surroundings in confusion. It looked like his room at the apartment he had been staying at with _them_ a week ago.

But… how could he be back here?

He remembered being ambushed by the suppliers on his way back to Ryouh's place. The redhead had agreed to let Syaoran stay with him when he had showed up at his doorstep. But then again, it wasn't really that big of a difference. He had been spending most of his time getting high in the apartment anyways. So far, he hadn't had to resort to stealing to get his fix. The money he had earned from the Chess matches had been more than enough to cover his latest habit quite nicely. But that had changed when he left to live with the redhead. Even though it had only been a week, the suppliers were a nasty bunch not willing to let the 'junkies', as they liked to call them, have more than two days at most to arrange the money, beating the shit out of anyone who failed to do so.

Syaoran, unfortunately, had not been able to return them the money he owed, so he had ended up being jumped on.

_They_ must have found him lying on the alley floor. But… why bother bringing him back here at all? Why not just leave him to destroy himself on his own? They hadn't really cared for him so far, so why start now?

As the itching on his arms began to grow worse, he clambered to his feet, body twitching every now and then. Whatever their reasons were for bringing him back… he was not going to stay here. He did not need them or their acceptance anymore. Not that he would ever fool himself into believing that they'd accept him in place of his clone in the first place.

He scratched the inside of his elbow, hoping to make the itch go away if only for a little while as he looked around the darkened room for his shoes. He was getting out of here before any of _them_ had a chance to know he was awake.

His plan failed, though, when the door to his room open with a whispered creak.

_**A/N: Cyber-Cookies for anyone who can guess who has come to visit Syaoran. ;) ;)**_


	9. This Love, This Hate

_**A/N: Cookie for everyone who guessed the identity of Syaoran's late night visitor right. *hands over cookie jar* pretty much everyone got it right.**_

_**Skip ahead to the update since the following part of my note is just a response for my anon reviewer, Molly.**_

_**Well, considering the fact that you didn't really leave me a way to respond otherwise, I had to put it up here. I normally prefer responding to the reviews and comments via PM rather than here since that just takes up extra place and frankly speaking I doubt people enjoy reading responses in the Author's Notes when they'd much rather read what they came here to read. Sorry if I came out sounding snobby last time. I appreciate the criticism that I receive and I do pay mind to it. That's probably the only reason why I have improved as much as I have in the past four years but I know it's not perfect and that there's always room for improvement. I just didn't like that you implied I wrote for reviews alone. I do it for my own enjoyment but putting what I write up here means that I understand that people might not always like what I do. And they have the right to voice that when they feel like it. **_

_**Haha… No. I don't really ignore negative commentary but the way you had worded your review the last time, it sounded more like that you were taking out your frustrations on me for not making them any longer and **_**that**_** is something that I do ignore. Might not have been your intention but that's how it sounded when I read it. *shrugs* Just so you know, I actually love feedback that can help me improve as a writer in any way. I appreciate it that you took out time to do so for me but just a small piece of advice, (something that my Comm Skills teacher actually said in class once ^_^; ) when giving feedback or critique make sure that you word it right or you might end up giving the wrong impression to the other person, unintentionally offending them in the process despite your good intentions. (I'm not saying that I got offended by what you said but some people might.) Oh and if you have an account, do leave a signed review next time, I'd rather we talk via PM then here. ;) ;) And don't worry, I don't really bite… much. *shot* **_

_***sighs* damn… my note ended up longer than the chapter again. .**_

_**Chapter 9:**_

_**This Love, This Hate**_

"You're awake." She said quietly as she stepped inside, dragging her useless leg behind her as she let the door close softly.

"I bet you're disappointed to see that." He responded, not even bothering to mask the bitterness of his tone. "Don't worry, Princess, I'll be out of your hair soon."

"You're leaving?" she asked in that same whispered tone.

"Does it even matter?" he replied tonelessly, finding his dirty sneakers shoved under the bed. Sitting down again, he pulled the right one over his foot and then the other.

"Don't go." She breathed as he walked past her to reach the door. His hand froze on the knob. Had he heard correctly?

"Why?" he hissed.

"…"

"So that you can go back to hating me again?" He turned around to stare at her coldly. "Take a look at me, Princess." He gestured at his face, the dark bags under his eyes standing out on his face with an unhealthy pallor. His cheeks had relatively sunken in, making him look tired, weaker and older than he really was. His body was trembling from the lack of the poisonous drug in his blood, his lips slightly cracked and almost colorless. The ugly bruise on the right side of his face stood out in the pale moonlight that poured in through the parted curtains of the window in the room. "See this?" He stepped closer to her, noticing with vicious satisfaction how the jade-eyed girl flinched, taking a step back. "Do you see me? Do you see how pathetic I have become?" He took another step towards her, watching as she shrunk, backing away until her back met the wall. It hurt to see her being afraid of him but he managed to mask his hurt with anger.

"This is what _you_ and your precious friends have turned me into." He spat venomously, his voice still quiet, making him sound like he was hissing out the words. He stepped closer till he was towering over her, his burning eyes staring down at her face. "Admit it, Princess. You don't really want _me_ to stay. You just want _his _face to be around you."

"No." She shook her head weakly.

"No?" he laughed harshly, the laughter turning into a raspy cough at the end. "Don't fool yourself into thinking you care, Princess. You hate me. I can see it in your eyes every time you look at me, even now. You're asking me to stay, but honestly, tell me… Is it that you want _me_ to stay or because you're just being reminded of the time _he_ left?"

"…" her lowered head was all the answer he needed. He had known the real reason, but it hurt all the same. The fact that she did not even care about him enough to lie and say that she wanted him to stay…


	10. Bleed Me Dry

_**A/N: Okay people, so I'm updating a little early but treat it as a treat from me. I'm going on a class trip tomorrow and won't be back till Sunday night and I'm gonna have a very busy, busy Monday, so I figured I should update this a little early. Just a little warning before you guys read it though. This is the last chapter for 'This Bitter Taste of You'.**_

_**Enjoy!**_

_**Chapter 10:**_

_**Bleed Me Dry**_

"Wait…" she breathed and he found his body obeying. Why could she not see the power she had over him?

"What?" His body was hurting like hell but his heart ached much worse. She was tearing him up inside. Could she not see how her soft voice affected him? Made him long for her? How her constant rejections made him suffer?

"…Why? Why did you … Back in Tokyo…Y-You took his heart… Why?"

"I took his heart?" he repeated, his tone mocking and hollow at the same time, his voice still nothing louder than a whispered breath. He did not want the other two to wake up. Not that they'd be able to stop him if he wanted to leave… but he'd rather not see the disappointing proof of how he was not needed by any of them. After all… even if they woke… they'd never really ask him to stay and mean it as well.

"…Fourteen years of my life." He turned around to look at her, "Fourteen fucking years of my life…I gave up them up without a thought. My freedom, my soul, my body… my heart… I've lost count of the number of times I risked my life for the one I love. But then again, no one is ever expected to keep track of something like that."

"What does that-"

"That _Syaoran_ you're so in love with is _my_ clone." He interrupted, noticing the way her breath caught in her throat as he uttered those words. He pushed on regardless of her reaction, "He was created for the sole purpose of collecting your feathers, Princess. That heart you mentioned? It was _mine_. _I_ gave it to him. I fell in love with you the day I first saw you fourteen years ago. Seven years later, I was forced to make a wish to that witch to turn back time. I spent seven years suspended in that tank, longing and craving for human touch, knowing that I would not have such a luxury simply because I broke a taboo."

She was listening to his tale, transfixed in her place, eyes wide as she stared at him. Only the barest rise and fall of her chest told Syaoran that she was really there and not just some statue made out of pale marble and stone that was placed before him. His body itched and trembled with need and pain. He needed a shot so badly but he forced himself to keep on speaking.

"I could do nothing but watch from the eyes of that copy. Watch as you fell in love with _him_ while I could not help but fall in love with you all over again. When I came back, I knew I would not be accepted immediately. After all, I _was_ replacing someone you all loved. But I had been foolish enough to hope that maybe… maybe, you'd all learn to accept me for me. I was such an _idiot_. A hopeless, love-struck fool, to believe that. I really should have known better." Something warm and wet slid down his cheek as he stepped closer to her once again. The princess shrank in on herself, her green eyes darting past him towards the door. Another sharp pang attacked his heart. She was afraid of him. She probably only saw a monster every time she looked his way. A monster that stole the one she loved. A monster that… that wore the face of the one she loved.

"It killed me…" he swallowed thickly, his hands reaching out to pin the girl in place, "every time you turned away, every time you chose to rely on that magician for support."

"S-Syaoran…" she whispered, her tone unable to hide her fear as he pressed his trembling body against hers.

"The other two… Kurogane-san and Fai-san… I could stand their hatred, their accusing stares, their cold shoulders. I could endure it all if only…" He brought his mouth closer to hers, his eyes boring down into her wide, scared orbs. "You never even bothered to see that I was waiting for one word. All you ever had to do was ask, Princess. I loved you so much I would have happily laid down my life for you without a thought. Even after you treated me like a monstrous leper… You know what's funny? You could have slit open my throat and even then… with my one last dying breath… I'd have apologized for bleeding on your clothes. I know you hate me for everything that's happened, but I can't stop loving you. I've tried. Believe me, I've tired, but I can't."

"You don't remember it because it never happened this time around, but I can't forget the time I spent with you, I can't forget the way you smiled at me, the way you smiled _for_ me. The way you looked at me. The way you used to call my name… I gave up everything for you, you know. A part of me still hopes you'll love me back, but," He breathed against her lips, "Even though I've told you everything… I know you can't ever do that. After all, you love my clone now." He pressed his mouth against hers in a harsh kiss, feeling his magic slowly tear at his heart, the warmth rising along his chest, moving up his throat to his parted lips, leaving his body numb and strangely cold as it left him. She struggled against him but he did not relent, keeping their mouths attached until every last bit of the spell had left him. "There." He said coldly, letting go of her as he stepped away, "even my heart is yours. Give it back to _him_ if you want." Letting her drop to the cold floor, he turned on his heels, walking away without even looking back. He stopped near the door, laughing a soft mirthless laugh, "All I will ever get is your first kiss." Then he was gone.

_**A/N: So how many of you want to kill me? ;) ;) **_

_**I did have a sequel planned for this but I haven't really been able to write much for it. *sighs* but anywho, I'm gonna leave it up for you guys to vote. Pick any of the following and leave your response via review, k? The poll isn't working for some reason. .**_

_**a) Are you kidding me? I want more damn it**_

_**b) Don't bother if you're gonna keep the chapters as short as this one**_


	11. AN: Good News Everyone

_**A/N: Just a little note to let you all know that I have decided to write the sequel titled 'Faryaad'. Keep in mind that it **_**will_ be a tragedy since there is only one Sakura and two Syaorans so one of them wont be getting the girl. ;) Who that might you will find out after reading the last chapter of 'Faryaad' which I have yet to write so yeah... Hope you guys enjoy the first chapter._**

**_P.S. the word Faryaad is an Urdu word and it means 'Plead'. The title is from an Urdu song of the same name by a band called 2StepAhead. I'll look up the link and share it in the next update for that story, k?_**

**_~Obsidian_**


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